I began the process last month of reviewing the struggles and successes of the month. This was done with the intent to be more honest and vulnerable in my writing to you fellow Warrior.
To show you that I don’t have all the answers and that I’m in the trenches with you facing the same struggles and celebrating the same successes.
We’re reluctant to talk about what we struggle with, however the act of sharing my struggles with you provides me an opportunity to learn from them as well as take ownership of the choices I’ve made. It gives me a favorable moment to grow, with you as my witness. The same can be said about my successes, it allows us to celebrate them together and a place to improve upon them moving forward.
Let’s drop in to my month of April, it was a tough one for me.
There may be contradictory items on my lists, but that is because at different times during the month I’ve felt each of the items listed below. For example, I’ve felt both acceptance of where my life is heading and frustration with where my life is heading this month.
Struggles of April
- Annoyed with my life circumstances.
- Battled the perception of other people that I’m “lost”.
- Wanted to make choices for other people.
- I was overwhelmed by emotions to the point where I felt like I was barely keeping my head above water.
- I felt stuck creatively.
- I did not write and post to the blog as much as I would have liked.
- I experienced feelings of not being lovable.
- I got behind on emails, RSS feed, and ebooks that all needed to be read and processed.
- I began experiencing knee pain after my runs and worried about what that means for my marathon on May 27th.
- I was dealt a setback in getting my big project launched.
- Frustration that my big project still has not launched.
- Experienced feelings of wanting things to be like they used to be.
- Dealt with feeling blamed for situations and choices that I’ve made.
- Conflicted on where my life is at.
- I wanted to “bury my head in the sand” and not deal with my life.
- I stopped doing the things I needed to do to take care of myself.
- I experienced feelings of failure.
- Conflicted about the choices I’ve made.
- I got down on myself for feeling like I’ve given up on things without much of a fight.
- I wanted someone to tell me what to do with my life.
- Being scared
- I wanted to do things so that I could feel better about them later on in life, regardless of how they felt in the here and now.
- Not being able to help someone, despite wanting to.
- Confused about what I want and where my life is heading.
- I wanted someone else to make a decision to force my hand in making another tough decision.
- I felt like a weak person.
- Feelings of grief over the loss of a dream.
- Struggled with not being witnessed or “seen” by people close to me.
- Stopped reading good and inspiring content on the web.
- I stopped writing poetry every day.
Successes of April
- Trusted that this is where I’m supposed to be.
- Accepted the choices I made in spite of other people’s displeasure with those choices.
- I emailed the people I met at Killer Tribes that I connected with.
- “Flinched forward” by sharing a personal poem.
- Realized that I have friends in my life who accept that I blog and are excited to hear how it’s going.
- Exchanged 38 emails with a friend where the ONLY content in those emails was Ferris Bueller’s Day Off quotes (huge nerd).
- Continued my yoga practice.
- I did not pull away from the avalanche of emotions I was feeling. I stayed with it through all the ups and downs.
- Felt blessed to be as alive and awake as I am to have wonderful experiences, to the point of crying about it at multiple times.
- Experienced vulnerability and did not back away from it.
- I inspired others to write poetry.
- I was reminded that I have everything within me to navigate the tough times in my life.
- Released expectations and accepted that.
- Trusted that things will evolve the way they’re supposed to, I can’t control them, only my reactions to them.
- Feelings of gratitude to people for bringing me opportunities.
- Humbled by people reaching out to me for advice.
- Started a mastermind group.
- Lived in the moment
- Published my first monthly review. It was very therapeutic and empowering to write and be open and vulnerable.
- I’ve had strong runs as my marathon training has increased.
- People reached out to me unexpectedly to check in.
- I realized that I wasn’t doing the things I needed to take care of myself and making the appropriate changes.
- Recognized that I was waiting to “be picked” and reversed that thought process and took ownership of my life and my choices.
- My runs helped me sort out the thoughts in my head.
- Engaged in honest and authentic conversations.
- Being scared. The good kind where you know you’re onto something life changing.
- Provided work for another person.
- Played in the park with my kids.
- Did not get upset or frustrated by the busyness of a hectic day.
- Experienced feelings that I’m on my way, I’ve found my path and I’m finally walking it.
- I was told by someone close to me that they’ve noticed huge changes in me in the past few months.
- I wrote about being stuck creatively and it helped break through the blockage.
- I chose not to sit and wallow in self-pity and feel sorry for myself for the bad things that have happened to me this month.
That has been my month of April fellow readers.
It was a challenging month for me in many different facets of my life. The process of the monthly review has helped me put into perspective the emotions I’ve felt and the ups and downs I’ve experienced. It was difficult to read through them, but that is part of the process.
I challenge you to perform a monthly review where you examine what went well and what did not go well the past month. However, you do not have to share your review publicly, instead you could keep a document on your computer.
I have found the process of a monthly review therapeutic, challenging and enlightening.
The process will provide you with an opportunity to see where you’ve succeeded and reconnect with those emotions.
It will also provide you an opportunity to examine your struggles to provide you with a place to grow from.
It helps to know where we are so that we can move forward in our lives.
What is one thing you’ve struggled with this month and one thing you’ve succeeded at this month?
Please share in the comments.